hmm....

this is just going to be one of those blogs I ramble on and on about things in my head... I am so afraid of how the economy is going, as if we all dont have enough stress in our lives and we have to worry about whether we'll have any income from one day to the next, you have to worry if your family and friends will still have a job... and not to mention even if you are lucky enough to keep your job, chances are PAY CUT! I hate money! I hate how it is like the cause of most stress and other problems in peoples lives, I HATE IT! I asked Scott the other day if they have mentioned anything about not selling as much product, being laid off, or pay cuts, and he said no, i hope he wasn't just saying that to try and comfort me... but from the sounds of things they should experience a pay cut before being completely laid off, which both things stink, but it is good that he should atleast hopefully be able to keep his job. I am so grateful to Scott and him going to there and working, it really is one of the SAFEST jobs to have right now with the economy and such, it seems like it shouldn't really affect it, thank goodness... but that still don't help me worrying about my family and friends... and still worrying about Bills, Groceries, etc... heck that's stress all the time before the economy threat! A lot of you already know about the horrible mistakes I made that got us to the situation we are in now, and this is just mulitplying those problems...
but now problems besides money...
I know that I have some really good friends, but unfortunately I don't have that many, and the ones I used to think were good friends always hurt me, I have always been the big joke growing up.. i never understood it, when I was in school I was always the target with all jokes and all groups of people, I still dont understand it, there were a lot of other people I would think wouldve been made fun of before me (not that its right that anybody gets made fun of and bullied) but I just dont know what I EVER did to deserve to be treated the way I have been my WHOLE life! I hear about all these people who have that ONE BEST FRIEND and I would kill for that, all the people that I have ever thought was My true best friend always revealed their true colors and decided I wasn't good enough. But HAVING THAT ONE FRIEND would be so great, let alone having multiple great friends. I wish I wasn't so reliant on people caring about me, it just feels like no one does... I am so grateful for my family (Scott, Mikylee, Jaycen, and My Mom and Dad) it seems like their the only one's that does!
I am not suffering from post partum depression or anything like that... so dont assume that, if anything I'm suffering from regular depression lol. But it just seems like things never get better, they just get worse, I pray and I pray, and nothing better ever seems to happen.
Sorry to sit here and feel sorry for myself... but I just needed to get this all out of my head.
And I have been trying to lose weight still and it's working SLOWLY..like slower than slowly! but it gets so discouraging when I am still being made fun of by my supposed to be friends who aren't my friends anymore who posted all over the place that I am Trista Eat-A-Ton Harrison, and that all I do is eat and want more food. I am so sick of skinny people viewing us larger people that way, I HARDLY EVER EAT! and I do A LOT more than just eat. But it seems like everybody just assumes that all we do is eat and want to eat more and more. WE ARE NOT PIGS!
alright sorry, I think im done now!